so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
