Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
