your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He better not be in your backpack
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
