this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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