I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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