the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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