I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
