They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
