You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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