The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize