If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
