What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
