This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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