super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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