I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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