He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
