i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
