I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm really busy with my period
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