Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
