His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
