i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
