Betty ford says i'm here all night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
