The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
