I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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