Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize