So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
two words: eviction party
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
