On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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