i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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