Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
