At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My bed smells like the plague
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
