My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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