dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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