guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize