Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
