i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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