Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
