Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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