Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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