this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
