She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
