he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
