FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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