Dude my mom stole all your condoms
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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