There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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