Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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