so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
