time to smoke my breakfast
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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