i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
