hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
