Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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