if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
