Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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