I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
