those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
