oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
