you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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