I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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