as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
