Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
