Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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