I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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