can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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