so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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