Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
