I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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