We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
