when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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