I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
