As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
