How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
