youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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