guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
